My name is Johar and I'm not sure what this is...
A leap of faith. It's what is often the definitive element of escapist cinema. Audiences are generally gracious enough to take that leap with a film maker provided the experience is rewarding. We took it with time travel and thoroughly enjoyed Marty McFly's antics in Back to the Future. We believed an Über-efficient machine could look human and voted him Governor of California. Or that gelling your hair and wearing mid-range off the rack clothes from Target made you look like a college student. Or that adding a chain saying "COOL" made you cool. Or that Jaya Bachchan had ultra-sonic, super sensitive ears that could hear Shahrukh's footsteps with Rani Mukherjee dancing herself to below 60kg in the background, while the K3G soundtrack played at full blast. But that is in essence the contract: you suspend disbelief and we show you a good time.
In the mela of escapist cinema that is Bollywood, Karan Johar is the pudgy guy selling you Kala Khatta - thoda romance, thoda melodrama. But somewhere down the line, he decided he was done with the whole ice gola game and wanted to get serious. He wanted to be a bartender.
It's said that artists only truly discover themselves when they step out of their comfort zone. It was commendable - a step away from the Chopras who were busy planting sarson to get the khet in order for their next ode to love.
KJo's first attempt at seriousness was KANK. While he wanted to be part of the whole serious cinema gig, he was still a bit insecure about abandoning his family oriented roots. While the ideal outcome should have been something like an appletini, Karan's apprehensions shone through and the result was something like root beer - it sounds alcoholic, but really isn't and is universally reviled.
Emboldened by his previous attempt, audience perception be damned, KJo decided pull out all the stops this time; no half measures. Or it could simply be that while he was serving delectable Koffee and generally imitating Harbhajan Singh (resting on his laurels, not slapping breakdancing medium pacers; see here) other directors had marched on with hatke movies on terrorism, dyslexia and the like. The eternal glass-is-half-full kind of guy that I am, I'm willing to accord him the benefit of the doubt and go with the former.
"My name is Khan, and I am not a terrorist", KJo announced. Sounded serious. This could be one badass cocktail. My interest was piqued. The casting announcements were made and I smelt something was amiss. Like that dog at immigration when it smells the garam masala and achar in your baggage. Shahrukh Khan? Admittedly this wasn't totally left field, but SRK?
Now this was a man who once understood the line between acting and hamming. But, to paraphrase Joey from Friends, he is now so far past the line that the line is a dot (link to the Friends clip here, at 0:39). A man whose portrayal of an old man in Veer Zaara should have single-handedly created a market for anti-aging creams amongst men. A man who when given just ten minutes of dialog time in Billu Barber stuttered, cried and arched his eyebrows away to a ham performance that should have had Rakhee feeling insecure and contemplating Karan Arjun II - Mere bete phirse aayenge. And then they gave him Asperger's syndrome. A man who needed no excuse to ham now had a license to do so! It was like giving Popeye spinach. But maybe, just maybe he'd deliver an inspired performance like he did in Kabhi Haan, Kabhi Naa or Swades. Or like Hrishikesh Kanitkar did in that single match. Just maybe.
Now be it a martini for the ages or a movie, the recipe is somewhat simple:
- 3 parts Gordon's gin (good writing)
- 1 part vodka (powerful acting)
- 1/2 part Kina Lillet (good direction)
Shake them well (sharp editing) and add a peel of lemon(publicity).
Sadly all KJo had was Bagpiper (Shibani Bathija's story), Haywards 5000 that had lost its fizz (hamming SRK), a lot of Kaala Khatta syrup (himself) and that ineffective plastic stick they use in the US to stir coffee badly (Deepa Bhatia's editing). He however had a lot of lemon peel and used as much as would fit in the glass. And there you have it - the MNIK. You rue what it could have been, have no idea what it is and will most likely barf when you have it.
On a parting note, I'd like to agree with what a lot of my friends are saying on Facebook; it's rare that Udhav Thakeray's right about something, but this time he is. We should have indeed stayed back at home.
Note: In case you're wondering, the martini in question is the Vesper - James Bond's signature drink.
In the mela of escapist cinema that is Bollywood, Karan Johar is the pudgy guy selling you Kala Khatta - thoda romance, thoda melodrama. But somewhere down the line, he decided he was done with the whole ice gola game and wanted to get serious. He wanted to be a bartender.
It's said that artists only truly discover themselves when they step out of their comfort zone. It was commendable - a step away from the Chopras who were busy planting sarson to get the khet in order for their next ode to love.
KJo's first attempt at seriousness was KANK. While he wanted to be part of the whole serious cinema gig, he was still a bit insecure about abandoning his family oriented roots. While the ideal outcome should have been something like an appletini, Karan's apprehensions shone through and the result was something like root beer - it sounds alcoholic, but really isn't and is universally reviled.
Emboldened by his previous attempt, audience perception be damned, KJo decided pull out all the stops this time; no half measures. Or it could simply be that while he was serving delectable Koffee and generally imitating Harbhajan Singh (resting on his laurels, not slapping breakdancing medium pacers; see here) other directors had marched on with hatke movies on terrorism, dyslexia and the like. The eternal glass-is-half-full kind of guy that I am, I'm willing to accord him the benefit of the doubt and go with the former.
"My name is Khan, and I am not a terrorist", KJo announced. Sounded serious. This could be one badass cocktail. My interest was piqued. The casting announcements were made and I smelt something was amiss. Like that dog at immigration when it smells the garam masala and achar in your baggage. Shahrukh Khan? Admittedly this wasn't totally left field, but SRK?
Now this was a man who once understood the line between acting and hamming. But, to paraphrase Joey from Friends, he is now so far past the line that the line is a dot (link to the Friends clip here, at 0:39). A man whose portrayal of an old man in Veer Zaara should have single-handedly created a market for anti-aging creams amongst men. A man who when given just ten minutes of dialog time in Billu Barber stuttered, cried and arched his eyebrows away to a ham performance that should have had Rakhee feeling insecure and contemplating Karan Arjun II - Mere bete phirse aayenge. And then they gave him Asperger's syndrome. A man who needed no excuse to ham now had a license to do so! It was like giving Popeye spinach. But maybe, just maybe he'd deliver an inspired performance like he did in Kabhi Haan, Kabhi Naa or Swades. Or like Hrishikesh Kanitkar did in that single match. Just maybe.
Now be it a martini for the ages or a movie, the recipe is somewhat simple:
- 3 parts Gordon's gin (good writing)
- 1 part vodka (powerful acting)
- 1/2 part Kina Lillet (good direction)
Shake them well (sharp editing) and add a peel of lemon(publicity).
Sadly all KJo had was Bagpiper (Shibani Bathija's story), Haywards 5000 that had lost its fizz (hamming SRK), a lot of Kaala Khatta syrup (himself) and that ineffective plastic stick they use in the US to stir coffee badly (Deepa Bhatia's editing). He however had a lot of lemon peel and used as much as would fit in the glass. And there you have it - the MNIK. You rue what it could have been, have no idea what it is and will most likely barf when you have it.
On a parting note, I'd like to agree with what a lot of my friends are saying on Facebook; it's rare that Udhav Thakeray's right about something, but this time he is. We should have indeed stayed back at home.
Note: In case you're wondering, the martini in question is the Vesper - James Bond's signature drink.
posted by Rahul Iyer at 5:05 AM
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